Muslim women writing about Sex

It is very satisfying to find Muslim women writing and sharing their thoughts, more recently on the topic of Sex. This interest usually stems from their cultural experiences and problems we face as Muslim women.

One of the challenges we face as a Muslim community is shying away from discussing sex. Even so, a look around our society reveals reports of high cases of teenage pregnancy and STDs. These issues are associated with sex and sexual practices. Yet, we choose a deaf ear to these matters.

In islamic sermons, some preachers who discuss sex and sexuality often take “the sinner” approach, where the mere thought of sex as an unmarried person would lead to hellfire. This is why Muslim women especially, reclaiming the narrative, preferring solutions to this setback and teaching about sex is important and empowering. Muslim women need to be taught that sexual desires are normal and even indicative of humanity and health. That they should seek reproductive care and understand contraception etc. 

Sadly, throughout my readings this year by Muslimah writers, particularly feminists -mostly radical, I have noticed something rather disturbing. These feminist Muslimah’s are calling on Muslim women to explore their sexuality regardless of the clear Islamic injunction.

I was reading to possibly learn about my body and sex since these conversations do not readily come up in sister circles. What happened to me? An almost paradigm shift, a bad one.

My once “uptightness” on matters of sex was getting “liberal”. The authors make convincing arguments about sex that seem logical. For instance, they argue that Allah is too merciful to punish us for things He has put in us naturally. An inclination to sex, exploration of heart desires and a fierce commitment to personal liberation without the need to feel bad. Sounds so good ! But this is where they get it wrong and I am glad I did further reading.

Despite the negative ways sex is taught in the Muslim community, Islam does not dispute the presence of sexual desires and needs. Islam does call on its followers to avoid sex before marriage. And that Allah has wisdom for this ruling. For that matter, it is wrong for anyone to ask Muslims to explore their sexuality outside this ruling.

Allah asks that we discipline ourselves when it comes to sexual desires, and all matters. Unfortunately, only a few scholars discuss masturbation which is another alternative among many adults and young people without sexual partners. Some scholars say it is haraam (unlawful) because the Quran says to avoid fornication and adultery. They put masturbation in that category because it leads to sex overtime. Others say it is Makruh (disliked). However, the majority of scholars believe it is haraam.

What then do we do when we are horny but are not married?

For some people, masturbation is a practice to stay away from sex. If we are to follow our natural desires, it will often leads us to sin. Which is why the argument “how can Allah punish me for feelings I have no control over” can leave you mute.

But Allah calls us to discipline our desires and seek His help when we start experiencing these feelings. Additionally, Allah does not consider us sinners for having such thoughts and feelings.

Allah the most merciful instructs the Angels to reward us when we do not execute our sinful thought. We only get the record of sin when we actually engage in the act, like watch pornography, other sexual activities or sex itself.

Shaitan makes a lot of things pleasing to us. And now, it is the idea that Allah loves us and forgives despite our sins of fornication. Also that Allah will not punish us for something he put in us. And our relationship with Allah is about what is in the heart. That it is ok to have sex when you want to.

While patriarchy continues to rule our world, the effects and power of patriarchy is a reason many women feel reclaiming their sexuality through bodily or sexual autonomy disrupts it. But the question, is it worth it to disobey Allah in our quest to fight patriarchy?

Our subservience is with Allah first. So I kindly ask that we put Allah first.

Seek knowledge of Islam and manage personal biases shrouded in activitism. We can be unapologetic Muslim women without being sex positive in a way that goes against Islam. Islam clearly says we should not have sex outside of marriage.

Additionally, it is time for us to discuss strategies on how to manage sexual urges when one has not found a legal sexual partner. It is also wrong that we push people into marriage for the sake of sex.

Let us strive to be better Muslims than we were yesterday. Patriarchy exists but so does true Islam. Allah reminds us in surah Baqara to beware of shaitan and remember he is a great enemy.

Next time you decide to pick up a book, be careful what you allow take roots in your mind. Seeking knowledge is good, but knowledge that leads you astray from the Quran and sunnah , think again.